I put myself in a picture of sucess

June 18th, 2006

03:22 pm
I keep starting to write a journal about my current feelings and what's running through my head, but then i realize that it's way to personal to put on the internet. Weird that i used to be able to spill my guts to this things and now i can barely even write two whole sentences.

June 14th, 2006

10:08 pm
oh livejournal you hold so many memories some of which are so painful they make me almost want to vomit.

02:50 pm
Going to school in the summer is lame!

June 8th, 2006

07:41 am - florida, house hunting, gay pride, and more
Florida was amazing, I'm sorry i didn't spend as much time visiting everyone was i should have but now that my parents live in that state i'll be down there for the majority of my breaks. I did enjoy spending time with my nephew austin. i almost always do. He's growing into such a cute little kid.
Kyle, Sindu, Allie and I have been looking at place to stay for next fall. I really don't know what i think of our sucess overall. We look very impulsively, and then we back away and get scared it's a confusing and long process. I have so many finacial things I need to get taken care of soon. Being an adult is no fun i tell ya.
This weekend is omaha pride. if anyone wants to help glsen out with the float let me know. I really don't know why i'm looking forward to it this year. I've met so many more people this year. I at least doubled the number of gay people that i know just by going to college.
Summer classes are going pretty well there's lots of work but nothing that i haven't been able to handle.
I'm debating whether or not i should start dating again. I've had a lot a couple of oppurtunities come my way since i got back here most of which would probably not be worth my time, but still oppurtunity knocks.
Current Location: selleck computer lab
Current Mood: awake

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May 22nd, 2006

07:12 pm - maybe i'll make a post
No one really writes in livejournal anymore. I guess i can't really complain i don't either
Maybe i will in a few days

May 6th, 2006

10:46 am - I'm sititng in the Airport in Houston
I'm waiting for my flight to florida my sister liza had another baby. So i'm flying down to hang out with her and my parents who now live in penescola florida. All of my family live in florida currently. I just realized i never really talk about things that happen to me. This year at least not directly.
I finished with Finals on Wednesday and stayed on campus til friday night. Friday night i went to Emily's she took me to the airport this morning. I think we're doing ok. I don't know if anything will ever come of us again. There's a lot of trust issues, and if there's no trust then there's no love. Right? I really don't believe that. I'd give my life away for her to be happy and healthy. She fucked up and made mistakes yeah. Everyone has though, and yeah her mistakes may be a little bigger then someone else, but oh well.
I really fucked up this semester when i realized i was 19 and had absolutely no clue what makes me happy as a person it destroyed my drive. I got depresed, but not in a dangerous i could hurt myself way. i was just simply ready to settle for a below average life.
I'm ok now though. At least i think this summer's sessions and next semester will go better.

I really love UNL. Being free of parental guidances was almost to liberating for me. I spent most of this semster drinking at least once everyweekend if not twice, and sometimes three times. Alcohol is pretty much the only social activity at lincoln. I mean you can go to parties and not drinking but that leaves you to be a baby sister to all of the drunk kids. There's been ocassions where i've been that drunk kid that needed baby sitting.

I've done things when i was drunk that i'm not proud of. I done more things sober that i'm not proud of. I can't imagine how much money my group of friends go through as far as alcohol goes.
I talk a lot about drinking in my live journal but it is the biggest change that had occured in my life this year to go from consuming almost nothing ever to about 20 shots/beers/ mixed drinks a weekend. Yeah that's crazy. And i go to gay bars on a regular basis.

I'm also even more liberal and Gay if you can imagine it's possible. Yet in comparison to my group of friends here i'm pretty conservative and straight acting.
Well i got to go board my flight.. I'll give more of an update later

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April 26th, 2006

09:24 pm - Day of silence
So today was the national day of silence, and i have to admit that in just my short three years of being a part of the day of silence i've seen it grow and change tremendously. UNL Day of silence was last wendesday because this week is our dead week so we could not have any official events going on. Lincoln public high schools are holding a candle light vigil on the capitol as a write this. Their an organized but of crazy liberals they are. OPS is struggling to move that way almost every OPS school had something going today many of them had over a hundred participants. Gay rights is so rapidly growing with the youth of the country, but with adults it seems to be at a stand still it's interesting transitioning from one to other.

April 23rd, 2006

10:46 pm
I'm so ready for this semester to be over.

April 18th, 2006

08:55 am
No longer can i prented to have the ability to save you.

I wish you would have let me be there for you before it got this bad.

You're lies have destroyed us.

April 3rd, 2006

10:44 am - Seven somethings...too something
The show was bought by a new network this season given to an edger look with a different cast.

Someone said lets have more outwardly gay supporting cast, and lets have an edger setting.
"First the girlfriend has to go. It's to repetitive."
So they wrote her out of the story line, and aren't really auditioning for any replacements. Rumors circulate that she did have time to do another season, and that’s why they wrote her out. They had no other choice.
"What happened to our heroine?” “Someone thought her success was to boring.”
It’s all been taken away this year. No parents. Failing college. No beautiful girlfriend for support, or friends that have always been there.
No desire to do anything. Most of the original writers left , So did the director. The main character likes development. She’s not moving forward or making any new discoveries. She’s stopped doing the things she enjoyed.
“it’s a miracle this show hasn’t been cancelled.”
“But what of her friends? Not the new ones, The first through third season cast.”
Most of the actors have prior obligations or disagreements with the movement of the plot.
Ever since the show got Edger and involved topics that are not suited for the major network television most stars left.
“the show has plot?”
It has a plot the plot involves suffering… and suffering. She struggles, but never grows. The depression things resurfaces. It’s something the shows fanbase has been tired of for a very long time. Lines that the actors can’t stand repeating so they leave. Everyone leaves.
They leave while the ratings die….
But when the lights go out on the set what happens? If no ones watching does the main character die? More important does it matter.

March 31st, 2006

01:43 pm - life...
Last night i saw V for Vendetta. It was a pretty good movie. It was a mix of 1984 and beauty and the beast with a hint of phantom of the opera. It really mad me paranoid of the society we live in. It was an excellent movie.

March 22nd, 2006

10:54 am - I hate words
We're reading a book called bi lives in my gay and lesbian lit class. Labels are dumb I really can't stand it. I'd go so far as to say that i'm not lesbian, but i do only want to have sex with women. bisexuality is a very awkward thing to analyize, it's so gray. Not that i'm a fan of black or white anymore. I'm a huge fan of gray, but it's just so mind boggling to try and write a paper about what bisexuality is when your primary source is book of interviews from women who have no similarities. There's just to many words that we use to label things.
bisexual, pansexual, pomosexual, Homosexual, ambisexual, Transexual- why can't just settle for sexual, or not.
Does everyone have sex? Why does sex matter so much?
I'm a fan of people being proud of their sexuality, but when it becomes all we do to set down labels and roles for every aspect of our sexual identity.
What i'm not of fan of is not just being Sarah.

It feels like instead of just me "i'm a versital(but mostly bottom)lesbian who practices serial monogomy, falls at about a 5 on the kinsey scale, is openning to dating anyone who falls between a 4 and a 6, which may or may not classify me as slightly biphobic, Gender straight but intrigued by gender queer internal reflections, not butch or femme, nor androgynous, perhaps a "student dyke", and perhaps a "power dyke".

I just feel like in the midst of all label i loose a part of me. maybe it's just me

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March 20th, 2006

10:24 am - I dyed my hair red last night
Spring break was filled with a lot of good and a lot of bad.

March 10th, 2006

01:52 pm - I will never be able to forget last night
There are events in your life that change the way you see things that mold you into something else entirely. Last night was one of those nights.
Last night i stopped caring... I let go and I let live... I loved it.

I learned several things...
1. Art can't dance much less strip, but has an amazing body.
2. Bacardi Razz and Vault soda is additive and poison for light weight drinkers
3. My roommate and i adore each other
4. I wish i would have let go so long ago, it makes me feel so much younger then i am.

I'm hung over for the first time ever, and i'm ok with that.
Current Mood:

chipper
Current Music: 4ever-the veronicas

March 7th, 2006

11:04 am
Is it true that your heart beats just like mine?
so slow yet so precise
Our hearts do beat at the same pace
but no one will ever hear them
There's a silence that clouds us both
A fear of leaving things behind and letting go
there's one thing that i know
"We are never as good as we once pretended to be"
Hold me now I'm beginning to shake
I'm afraid that i don't know you the way that they do
That i never will
You know me
You always have, Haven't you?
Where are you now?
Where are we?
I've never felt this far way from you before.

March 2nd, 2006

09:02 am - Ashes to Ashes
I love the balance of all different religons here. UNL is deffinately a safe haven for spiritual exploration, while at the same time still supporting traditional ways.

February 26th, 2006

01:49 am - oh straight people who go to gay bars
i have to say i love straight men that tip drag queens during their show that's hot. Especially if they do it without any alcohol in their systems.

I also have to say that i hate "straight" women who have a desire to make out with girls
While i was at the Q tonight there was a friend of kyle's there who had one too many beers(8) and could barely walk much less dance.
She fell once and i went to help her out. She leaned in to kiss me as i pulled her up, I moved out of the way and laughed trying to break the tension. i jokingly said, "you're not one of those straight girls who makes out with girls when their drunk are you?" she respond with an no, to which I said, "Good i cant stand those girls." There was about a 30 second pause and then she said, "honestly i wouldn't have to be drunk to make out with you."

I've come to a conclusion that girls that do things with other girls when their drunk disgust me, but what disgust me more is people who are sober and do things with people who aren't. Especially if their trying to take advantage of them.
Current Mood:

blah

February 3rd, 2006

11:27 am - Two Years
I love you. I always will love you.
I'm sorry for all the times that i tried to push you away, and the people that i tried to fall for because they'd hurt me less then you.
I've always been afraid of you, and the way your soul is interlocked with mine.

It's impossible to understand why you would want to be with me.
I don't deserve any of this...
Nothing will ever be as compassionate and beautiful as you
I love you Emily Ann Leahy

February 2nd, 2006

10:51 am
Oh what a week...